Fatherhood: wrapped around their little fingers…

My reasons, my everythings, my all…my girls are why I keep my head up, why I keep fighting and why I will never stop trying. Being very honest, in a weird way I’ve made my peace with this unwelcome guest in my head but what makes me sad and vulnerable is thinking about my daughters… I love being with them and I don’t want to leave them. The first thing I remember thinking once the words Brain Tumour sunk in were my girls and all the things I may miss. Would I see them finish school? Will I watch them perform in concerts? Would I be able to walk them down the aisle? But I’m trusting God to give me time and He works in mysterious ways. As difficult as it’s been, this COVID-19 situation has given me more time than I ever thought possible with my girls – I’m not at work, they’re not at school. I get every second of every day with them (which is not always easy with a 5 & 3 year old!). I get to wake them up, get them ready, feed them, teach them, play games together, sing together, pray together… We do everything together now- and I am so grateful! (Admittedly less so after Arya has asked for her 5th snack request by 11am!) 

When the concept of writing a blog entered my mind, my brother in law explained how it would almost be like a diary for my girls to one day read and understand this journey a little better in their dad’s own words- and I suppose that was what I needed to hear to get it going. Don’t get me wrong, my intention is very much to be able to walk by their side for many more years to come but it’s comforting to know they’ll be able to read for decades to come that I always fought and it was always for them.

Avaana is my “little-miss-perfect” 5 year old – a smart, affectionate, conscientious little girl… your model law abiding citizen! Arya is my 3 year old and a total wild child! A witty, incredibly fun-loving rebel who keeps us on our toes! And I know in their own ways they will both change the world. They have huge hearts, they are sensitive and loving, fiercely protective of each other and most importantly… they are happy little girls!

It makes me so proud to sit here and write this, if not a little emotional. I love being their dad… I’m at my happiest seeing them laugh and smile… I’m at my proudest seeing them achieve something new… I feel the genuine sincerity and warmth of their hugs when they’re excited or even scared and I love being their protector/ their superman and much to wifey’s disapproval when they want something the credit card has no limit!

I’m privileged to be a dad and this tumour is going to have a to fight a damn sight harder to take that away from me, in the words of Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock, Just bring it!